If You Say So

“Funny, self-effacing, heartbreaking, and wise, Herman shows us that life, in all of its choreography and improvisation, really is like ballet: Press down and rise at the same time. Descend and lift.”

—Maggie Smith, New York Times bestselling author of You Could Make This Place Beautiful and Good Bones

“If You Say So includes moments of pure joy alongside deep grief, worry, and loneliness. Throughout, Herman’s strong, humorous, and distinctive voice serves as the reader’s guide, highlighting the importance of self-discovery, even if later in life, and appreciating the beauty found in the complexities of our relationships with others.”

—Emily Webber, Hippocampus (full review here)

“If You Say So is a memoir-in-essays of entering the dance world at age 62, losing loved ones, and stepping up to a vastly revised life that embraces the notion of improvisational dancing.

Making a dance film during a pandemic is no light feat. It involves meeting outdoors, masked, to put practiced routines into group effort, taking risks, and accepting that while life has taken a huge detour from any anticipated route, the end result might just be worth embracing:

Over the three-month period of in-person rehearsal and filming, there ends up being just one Sunday when there is perfect weather for dancing outdoors in Columbus, Ohio. “That was a great day, wasn’t it?” we say for weeks afterwards. But even on the not-great days, even in the rain, or under a blazing sun, or when the wind is so strong that parts of people’s costumes fly away—or on the cold November Sunday when it starts to snow as soon as we are in position in the field—we are happy to be there. It’s our only reason to go anywhere.

Throughout the book, Michelle Herman embraces a sense of community both within and outside of the dance world, despite the presence of a pandemic which shuts down everything she loves, isolating her.

Her life story embraces family relationships, impacts, and journeys that evolve new directions and opportunities for her future:

Are you having fun? he asks. The answer is obvious. I am surrounded by people I love. We are dancing to a mix of Beyoncé and the Isley Brothers and Prince and Talking Heads and Celia Cruz and I’d asked my friends to please bring food and needs, so there is plenty of wonderful food, sweet rice cakes and crispy tofu and macaroni and cheese and cookies and pâté and bread (they have mostly neglected to bring needs). I shrug and smile. I know what he really means is: Can you explain why is this fun?

I can’t answer that—that would be a matter of explaining why I am who I am.

Her focus on ballet for those well beyond the years usually associated with effective dancing also offers important insights into the joy of joining with others who adapt their bodies, styles, and abilities in a conjoined effort to create a novel art form:

My life has changed completely over the last year and a half. The party is full of people I’ve met in the ballet classes I take every day. And this is the other reason I am at peace with—that I have found joy in—my life in Columbus after all these years. I have fallen in with a crowd of other late-to-ballet dancers, lifelong dancers, dancers who take only classes other than ballet.

Readers interested in dance who also appreciate the delicate dances between mothers, daughters, family, and friends, will relish the spirited insights that stem from Herman’s life experiences.

Dog lovers will find the accompanying tale of Ella and the grief that arises from a pet’s loss (that unexpectedly ends human connections, as well) to be extraordinarily compelling and heart-wrenching.

Libraries seeking memoirs that are gripping in their embrace of dance, relationships, growth, and coming to terms with loss and change will welcome the dance of life that is If You Say So. It’s a warm journey through later years that is vivid, heartfelt, and unexpectedly thought-provoking, highly recommended for its ability to chart various obstacles and courses through expectation, confrontation, and transformation.”

—D. Donovan, Midwest Book Review

Read another review.

Listen to Michelle Herman talk about the book.

Read an interview about it.

From the publisher, Galileo Press:

Michelle Herman took her first-ever ballet class at the age of 62, and it changed her life. If You Say So is a book of true stories about loss and reinvention, longing and loneliness, friendship and community, and family and home—and dance, the dedicated practice of which has led her on an unexpected new path. This is a book about grief and the way it lives in the body—and joy, and the way it lives in the body too.

From the making of a pandemic-era dance film—the dancers masked, outdoors, six feet apart—to the sudden, shocking loss of a friend and fellow (sister) dancer three years later; from the challenges and delights of making art to the challenges and delights of motherhood and daughterhood, this book is a love letter to Herman’s life as she enters her seventh decade, and to everyone and everything, human and nonhuman both, who’s filled her life with their love.

For media requests/review copies, email Alyssa Mitchell at alyssa@bookwavemedia.com.

Michelle’s literary agent is Gail Hochman.

For upcoming readings and other events, click here.